Thankfully, I am Grade 1 (a light dimpling) rather than a Grade 3, which she explains is full-on cottage cheese cushioning. As things aren’t too dire, we skip step one of the Body Perfecting Treatment, which is Mesotherapy, (quick -fire, fairly painless injections), that she cocktails to your needs with interesting natural ingredients, such as L-Carnitine which speeds metabolism or maybe artichoke extract that she tells me is very good for draining excess liquid. Next, she runs a hand piece from the Ultra Lift machine which fires focused ultrasound up the back of my thighs and bum to target the muscle layer below the skin. This is so painful I am swearing like a sailor but Dr O. assures me this a good sign as the muscles tighten, new collagen networks will be stimulated and I should get a smoother, more lifted silhouette. Finally she whips out the new Scarlet machine which has lots of tiny needles that fire a radio frequency current (not as bad as it sounds) to tighten the skin, reducing puckering.

It’s nothing like as ouchy as the furious Ultralift but I leave the clinic with some fairly heavy bruising. In the days that follow I scrutinize my behind and attempt to take a belfie (that’s a Bum selfie). I’ll spare you the photo but I can report, three weeks on, significant improvements are afoot. My skin is a whole lot less spongy and for the first time in years the cellulite is pretty much gone – a miracle! I’m even thinking about maybe wearing shorts this summer.

While this treatment is the real deal its also pretty expensive so I also want to share a few more affordable ways to get good slimming results. Marginally less painful but very effective is Martine de Richville Remodelage massage, (£180), a special body sculpting technique imported from Paris. The therapists gets results using a series of pretty sharp, rolling, flicking and pinching manoeuvres that literally lifts up the fascia (the fibrous tissue that holds skin in place) to help detox the body, stimulate circulation and improve the quality of skin. The word massage should not really be associated with this treatment as it’s about as far from relaxing as you get, but after a course of 6 weekly visits you will notice a marked difference. If you book in now, the results should last the summer holiday season but sadly if you don’t go for regular top up treatments, the orange peel will return.

When I tried this treatment back in January I managed to extend the effects by a further month or two, Dr Juchheim Bye Bye Cellulite cream £180 (eudelo.com). This is a real insider beauty secret and was recommend to me by my friend, the very brilliant dermatologist, Dr Stefanie Williams who imports it from Germany and sells it at her Eudelo clinic which is based in Vauxhall.

While I have road tested pretty much every cellulite cream on the market, this is to date is the most effective I have tried. It has active ingredients that work to improve the nutrient supply and thus circulation in dimpled areas, increasing fat burning and shrinking fat cells. It is very active and feels fiery hot when you apply it and can be used to treat wobbly upper arms and tummies, as well as bums and thighs. The only caveat is just be careful too wash your hands after handling – it’s hot stuff.